i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
