Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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