I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
