i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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