Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
