A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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