Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
