wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
tell me about the eggs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
