i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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