but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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