She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
