meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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