we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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