To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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