I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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