You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
