Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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