I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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