Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
