I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
