also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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