yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Randomize
