I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This baby is an asshole
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
