Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
