Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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