I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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