how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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