Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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