I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
