How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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