I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
