You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
