brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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