My underwear smells like fireworks.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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