Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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