apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
