Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
