I'm jealous of your bromance
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
