My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
