wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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