i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
