the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
