take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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