What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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