Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
smell my finger.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
