yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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