Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
