so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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