I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
