Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
