Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
