BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
