We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
