when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
