I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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